Bible Study Series: Types Of Emotional Baggage

 v.UNLOADING EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE (class 2)

THE SOURCE OF MY STRENGTH, Dr Charles Stanley

LONELINESS IS A CHOICE

Webster defines loneliness as being without company, Cut off from other people.

There can be a period of sadness when you are alone. Loneliness

Can cause you to think no one cares about you

For the Christian, loneliness is a state of the mind. It is a state of

Ignorance. It is a state of unbelief. It is a state of not putting the

Word of God in practice.

Jesus said I will never leave you or forsake you. Due 31:6

You are never alone because the moment you accepted Jesus as your personal Savior The Holy Spirit came and indwelled you.

The person of the Holy Spirit Is with you whether you recognize Him or not. You have someone To talk to if only you will awake to His presence.

There is never any reason to feel alone, When you read the Bible you

Are reading Jesus and with the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit you come

To develop an intimate relationship with Father.

Loneliness is emotional baggage you can drop in the garbage bag.

The Lord chose you before you ever developed any emotions.

The loneliest time of my life was the day my first wife went home

To be with the Lord. I was without the presence of the one that had

Been with me for 44 years. In time I came to realize that God was

With me all the time.

Whenever you have a feeling of loneliness let me suggest you start

Praising the Lord. BREAK OUT IN A PRAISE DANCE, Psalms 22:3

Don’t shut the world out and never shut the Loud out.

Romans 8:38-39

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

What is the key to get rid of the lonely feeling?

1. Know that you have a friend in Jesus

John 15:15-16

I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

2. Get Your praise on. Sing a song, dance, give God thanks.

3. Be a friend to someone. There is someone who needs to hear your

Voice.

4. Get involved in the activities of the church. Matthew 18:20

DON’T ALLOW FEAR TO CONTROL YOU

Fear is a choice. Fear is an act of unbelief. Fear is allowing the devil to

Take over your emotions.

2 Timothy 1:7

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Fear is a state of being out of your right mind

You are more than a conqueror Romans 8:37

Fear denies the power of God in your life Isaiah 41:10

I

Fear denies the love of God. 1 John 4:18

Fear is a state of unbelief Proverbs 29:25

Be confident that the Lord is with you. Psalms 23:4

YOU ARE NOT INFERIOR

In the world we live in today you are judged by standards that don’t apply

To you. People judge you by the car you drive, the house you live in,

The education you have, the job you hold, the connections you have

And the color of your skin.

All of these describe the surface but not the person you are. Don’t accept

The opinion of the world. Don’t devalue yourself by the standards of the world.

If you are a parent, remember your children look to you for validation

Of who they are. The world will tell them all the lies they told you.

Before you can help them, you have to be sure of yourself.

The only opinion that counts is what God says about you, When you

Focus on the world, you lose focus on the God who created you

Ephesians 2:10

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

1. You are a work of God.

God did not create you inferior to anyone.

Can anyone create anything better than God?

2. You were created in Jesus.

Can anyone measure up to Jesus?

You were created to do good works.

You were planned to be successful in your work.

3. God prepared good work for you before He made anyone.

No one can measure you.

How can any man tell you what your value is?

God bases our value not on what we have but on who we have

We have Jesus as Lord and Savior and the Holy Spirit as our teacher

And counselor.

It is not what we know, but the knowledge we have in Jesus Christ.

We are not dependent on the education we have from the world, but

Infinite education we get from the Lord.

We are not dependent our our capacity, but the infinite capacity of the Lord.

How can anyone know what we are worth if they don’t know how God

Values us?

UNLOADING ABUSE, IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE

As parents, we must discipline our children. God said if you don’t

Discipline your children, you don’t love them.

Proverbs 19:18

Discipline your son, for in that there is hope;

do not be a willing party to his death.

A disciplined person is a more controlled person

A disciplined person is more able to listen and learn

From others and from the world we live in.

We need to get back to disciplining our children.

We need to make sure our children know that discipline is for

Their long-term health.

When I say discipline, I don’t mean abuse. Many parents

Abuse their children.

There is a difference between discipline and abuse

Abuse can be emotional or physical. Everyone may define abuse

Differently.

According to Dr. Charles Stanley, regular or intense criticism might be considered verbal abuse. To others, criticism may have no impact on

Them. The mental state of the person makes a difference.

Discipline should be given in direct response to a person's action.

Abuse is often unrelated to the victims' actions. Abuse is triggered by the

mental state of the abuser. He or she looks for an excuse to trigger their

Abuse.

According to Dr Stantley, discipline is administered for the benefit of

The person being disciplined. The abuser seeks to do the victim harm.

The abuser's intent is to inflict pain.

An abuser has the desire to control another person and manipulate

With his/her power.

It is never God’s desire that his children be manipulated or abused.

Discipline is designed to make corrective actions to prevent a person

From going in the wrong direction or preventing a person from doing something that would be harmful to them or others

Ephesians 6:4

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

The word exasperate is parorgizo which means to anger or enrage

Or cause to resent

We need to understand why people abuse others so we can be

Sure that our discipline does not turn into abuse

An article by Psychcentral gives 13 reason why people abuses others.

It is reprinted here for your information. This is listed not to defend

Abusers, because abuse is wrong. I pasted them here so you will have

A better understanding and know the signs.

1. They have a disorder. A small number of the population is anti-social personality disorder (sociopath or psychopath) and sadistic. These disorders gain pleasure from seeing others in pain and even more pleasure when they are the ones inflicting the agony. For them, abuse is a means to an end. They abuse others to gain personal pleasure.

2. They were abused. Some abusers act out their dysfunctional behavior on others because it was done to them. In a subconscious effort to resolve their own abuse, they do the same to another person. This type of abusive behavior is identical, meaning it matches almost exactly to their childhood experience.

3. They were abused, part two. Just like in the previous explanation, they abuse because it was done to them. However, in this case the victim is the opposite. For instance, a boy who is sexually abused by a man might grow up to sexually abuse girls as evidence that they are not homosexual. The reverse can be true as well.

4. They watched something. With the advances in technology comes additional exposure at a young age to glorified abuse. Some movies, songs, TV shows, and videos minimize abuse by making fun of it or making it seem normal. A typical example is verbally attacking on another person by name calling or belittling.

5. They have anger issues. Uncontrolled and unmanaged rage frequently produces abusive behavior. The source of this anger varies but it is usually tied to a traumatic event. Unresolved trauma sparks anger when triggered by a person, circumstance or place. Because this anger comes out of nowhere, it that much harder to control and manifests abusively.

6. They grew up with an addict. An addict blames others for the reason they engage in their destructive behavior. While the victims are often forced to remain silent and acceptant of their behavior. The end result is a lot of pent up anger and abusive behavior. As an adult, the victim subconsciously seeks out others to blame for their actions.

7. They have control issues. Some people like to be in charge. In an effort to gain or remain in control of others, they utilize inefficient means of dominance such as bullying or intimidation. While forced control can be quickly executed, it does not have lasting qualities. True leadership is void of abusive techniques.

8. They don’t understand boundaries. Abusive people tend to lack the understanding of where they end and another person begins. They see their spouse/child/friend as an extension of themselves and therefore that person is not entitled to have any boundaries. The lack of distance means a person is subject to whatever the abuser decides.

9. They are afraid. People who do and say things out of fear tend to use their emotions as justification for why another person needs to do what is demanded. It is as if the fear is so important or powerful that nothing else matters except what is needed to subdue it.

10. They lack empathy. It is far easier to abuse others when there is no empathy for how the victim might feel. Some types of head trauma, personality disorders, and environmental traumas can cause a person to lack the ability to express empathy.

11. They have a personality disorder. Just because a person has a personality disorder does not mean that they will be abusive. However, the lack of an accurate perception of reality greatly contributes to abusive behavior. If a person is unable to see their behavior as abusive, then they will keep doing it.

12. They are exhausted. When a person reaches the end of rope, it is not uncommon for them to lash out at whoever is conveniently close. Think of it as a mental breakdown where all the things stuffed inside come pouring out usually in a destructive rather than constructive manner.

13. They are defensive. Defense mechanisms such as denial, projection, regression, and suppression are utilized when a person is backed into a corner. Instead of taking space, they come out swinging and retaliate in an abusive manner.

The definition of discipline from webster

1: to punish or penalize for the sake of enforcing obedience and perfecting moral character

2: to train or develop by instruction and exercise especially in self-control

As a parent, how do you make sure your discipline does not include abuse?

Let me give you some suggestions.

Make the love of God the first priority in your discipline

Make the love of the child the reason for discipline

Make the the best interest of the child the reason for discipline

Never discipline a child when you are angry or upset

Never discipline a child to get revenge

Make sure your discipline is designed to correct the undesired action.

Proverbs 22:6

6 Train a child in the way he should go,

and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Every child is different. Every child learns and responds

In their own way. Therefore discipline must be particular

To the child.

2 Timothy 1:7

7 For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

Do you respond to others with love or with abusive language?

IN SUMMARY THERE ARE MANY TYPES OF EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE

THAT DISRUPTS THE JOY AND PEACE OF OUR LIVES

LONELINESS

FEAR

FEELING BEING INFERIOR

ABUSE