HANDLING CONFLICT GOD'S WAY
In any relationship, there will be conflicts from time to
time. Resolving
conflict as soon as they occur, allows you to get back to a
state of harmony.
If we do not handle conflict, the situation can get out of
control and
lead to a breakdown in the relationship.
THE CAUSE OF CONFLICT
Let's look at the cause of conflict, James 4:1-3 gives us insight.
James 4:1-3
1. What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you?
Is not the source your
pleasures that
wage war in your members?
2 You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are
envious and cannot obtain;
so you fight and
quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask.
3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong
motives, so that you may
spend it on your
pleasures.
According to the Word, we are the cause of our own conflicts.
It is our desire to have what we want over the desires of
others.
Here are some attitudes that promote conflict
1. I want it too
much.
2. I need it now.
3. I deserve it.
4. If I don't get
my way, I will find a way to punish you.
I think about the arguments that I have had with my wife is
because
my opinion of what need to be done and how it should be done
is
different from hers.
We have to decide whether getting our way is worth the peace
we loose.
We can be the source of peace or the source of conflict
Conflict does not glorify God. Conflicts separates us from
God.
Conflict is driven by pride, anger and emotions.
If we love one another we will try to avoid conflict
THE SOLUTION TO HARMONY
Romans 12:9-12 gives us God's solution to harmony in a
relationship.
9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is
good.
10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one
another above yourselves.
11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor,
serving the Lord.
12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in
prayer.
According to James, conflict starts with us. According to Romans,
it can end with
us.
In the case of right or wrong, we have to choose right.
In relationships there is always more than one right.
It does not have to always be your way to be right.
But often times, right or wrong is not the issue. It what I
want over what you want.
In this case it is our selfish desires that will escalate
the conflict.
Conflict always has an evil motive. Selfish pride over looks
the opinions of
others. Pride does not promote the love of another person. Selfish
pride promotes self.
God hates the proud:
The context of proud is someone who lifts themselves up. One
who is haughty or
arrogance
Proverbs 16:5
Every one that is proud in heart is an abomination to the
Lord: though hand join in hand, he shall not be unpunished.
Proverbs 28:25
He that is of a proud heart stirreth up strife: but he that
putteth his trust in the Lord shall be made fat.
CONFLICT IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dealing with conflict face to face is always difficult.
But it is made easy if we show love to the other person.
1. Roman 12:10
say honor the other person above ourselves.
a. Listen to the
other person without judgment.
b. There is a
difference between listening and understanding.
d. You can pretend
to listen by just being silent.
e. Understanding is
being actively engaged in the conversation.
f. Take time to
understand the other persons point of view without judging.
2. Show enthusiasm
for the other persons opinion.
3. If their idea is different from yours, bite you tongue
before speaking.
4. Be joyful and hopeful that the other person has a good
idea or a good
solution
5. Present you own idea as an addendum to theirs.
6. When something goes wrong, don't be quick to blame.
a, Seek the cause
of the problem.
b. Seek a
solution.
CONFLICT IN THE HOME
When dealing with a spouse, the situation can be emotional
and intense at
the same time.
1. Listen carefully to understand the spouses point of view.
James 1:19-20
states, " My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick
to listen, slow to
speak and slow to become angry,
2. Whatever the issue is, it is important to your spouse.
a. Therefore, it
should be important to you.
b. Ask questions to be sure you understand the
issue.
3. Doing a conflict it is easy to let your emotions control
you.
a. Exercise self
control.
b. Proverbs 29:11
states, " A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps
himself under
control. "
4. If the situation is intense, it is good idea to start
with prayer to put yourself in
a spiritual mode.
a. The Word says
pray without ceasing. 1 Thess 5:17
b. The devil will
flee when you are in prayer.
5. Evaluate your own attitude to be sure ,you are not
selfish in your opinions.
James 4:6 states,
" But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God
opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble."`
We don't always
have to win the argument to be
successful in marriage.
It may be better
for your spouse to win and take credit to keep the peace.
a. Submit to
God. What are you holding from God?
Ephesians
5:21-26
21
Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
22 Wives,
submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the
husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the
church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their
own
husbands
in every thing.
25
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave
himself for it;
Conflict can easily
operate outside the bonds of love.
Conflict pushes it
own agenda.
Conflict opens the
door for Satan to walk in and destroy the relationship.
b. Draw near to
God. What are you hiding from God?
c. Cleanse your
hands . What outward behavior need to
change?
d. Purify your
heart. What inward attitude need to
change?
e. Humble
yourself. Admit when you are wrong.
f. Ask yourself
is your selfish pride the cause of the conflict?
6. Don't point the finger at each other.
James 4:11 states, " Brothers, do not slander
one another. Anyone who speaks against
his brother or
judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law,
you are not keeping
it, but sitting in judgment on it.
7. Be patient with each other.
Proverbs 14:29 ;
A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man
displays folly.
Proverbs
15:18: A hot-tempered man stirs up
dissension, but a patient man calms a
quarrel.
Change does not
always occur over night.
Conflict continues
to occur if we don't recognize our own faults and
seek change.
8. Be joyful that you have a spouse that want to improve the
relationship.
9. Be the first to seek a peaceful solutions.
10. Don't go to bed with conflict.
a. Ephesians 4:26
: "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while
you are still angry."
b. Psalms 86:15:
But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and
gracious God, slow to
anger, abounding in
love and faithfulness.
c When dealing
with our spouses, we ought to model Jesus Christ.
d. Even in
conflict. love and compassion has to be our goal.
e. Resolving
conflict must lead to harmony
If the emotions are to high, put the discussion off until
you calm down.
a. Use that time
to pray about it.
b. PUSH:
pray until a solution happens.
c. Mutually agree
to discuss specifics at an agreed upon
time.
11. Seek wise Christian counsel if all efforts
fail.
a. Proverbs
19:20: Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest
be wise in thy
latter end.
b. If you cannot
resolve the conflict between you and your spouse
or your
relationship, seek counsel.
c. Everyone
who counsels may not be qualified to counsel.
d. Christian
counseling must follow the Word of God.
d. A
relationship in trouble does not need the opinions of the counselor.
e. A
relationship needs the wisdom of the counselor according to the
Word of God.
Proverbs 8:14:
Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom: I am understanding;
I have strength.
Everything we need to know about relationships is in the
Bible.
We have to search the Bible to discover the wonderful
relationship
God has designed for us.
Rev. M. Mitchell
Asst Pastor of Greater Macedonia
Baptist Church
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