FAMILY GOD'S WAY
Lesson 2
COMMUNICATION KEY TO MARRIAGE STABILITY
One of the key tools in marriage is communications.
The devil uses our lack of communication to cause problems
in the marriage.
In Genesis chapter 3, Eve had a discussion with the serpent
about the Word of
God and made a decision without discussing it with her
husband.
She was convinced by the serpent that God was a liar.
Lets analyze this situation:
God gave Adam the command not to eat from the tree of Knowledge and Of Good and Evil before
Eve was created.
Adam and Eve had Bible Study together. We know that because
Eve repeated the
command to the serpent. Eve did not have a full
understanding of God's command.
She was not convicted in her heart to keep the command.
Eve dishonored the marriage by listen to voice of stranger
and making a decision
against an agreed upon family standard without consulting
her husband.
God talks to us through His Word and the devil talks against
the Word.
1 Timothy 4:1 states, " The Spirit clearly says that in
later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things
taught by demons."
Eve dishonored her head by allowing an outsider to come
between her and her husband
and God. Eve was deceived according to 1 Timothy 2:14
" And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman
who was deceived and became a sinner. "
When presented with the fruit from the Tree Of Knowledge and
of Good And Evil
Adam went along to get along. Adam was knowingly disobedient
according to
Romans 5:14, " Nevertheless, death reigned from the
time of Adam to the time of Moses, even over those who did not sin by breaking
a command, as did Adam, who was a pattern of the one to come. "
Adam failed to communicate with God before he broke God's
command.
Adam dishonored his head (God) by going along with his wife.
Notice, sin did not enter into the world until Adam
disobeyed God and sinned.
God placed the responsibility on the head, the husband of
the marriage has the
responsibility enforcing God's commands.
If an adult family
member wants to do something against God's command,
you cannot support it.
THE EFFECTS OF SIN IN THE FAMILY
A. It breaks fellowship with God.
I John 1:6
B. It brings shame to the family.
They made fig
leaves to cover themselves Genesis
2:25, 3:7
C. It introduces fear into the relationship
Genesis 3:10
D. It causes conflict between the man and his wife
Genesis 3:12 , 3:13
Adam blamed
Eve. Eve blamed the serpent. Neither of
them
took
responsibility for their sin.
E. It angers God.
Genesis 3:16, 3
God got so mad
that He kicked Adam and Eve out of the Garden
F. It brings hardship in the family
Genesis 3:17
Immediately, there was conflict in the marriage. There are
no prefect marriages,
or perfect relationships, because we are not perfect people.
Because of the sin of Adam and Eve, we were all born in sin.
Psalms 51:5 " Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in
sin did my mother conceive me."
We can work on our relationships to make them as agreeable
as possible.
Psalms 51:5 is the fact, the truth. But conflicts in the
marriage derive from our
feelings and not facts. In our conversation a button gets
pushed and our feelings get hurt. As result we get angry or upset with each
other.
Attached is a partial list of buttons that get pushed
and a partial list of reaction to buttons that get pushed
when
there is conflict in the relationship
according to Dr Michael Smalley
from his book Reignite Your Marriage
Our feeling are normal, because we are human. When a button
gets pushed
you can react in a negative way or a positive way.
Here is an example of what can happen when we react in a negative way
The Man
Feels
condemned
Button
yells Emotional Shuts down
reaction Farris
Wheel reaction
The Woman
Feels Ignored
Button
God's directions for our reactions is
Colossians 4:6
" Let your conversation be always full of grace,
seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."
Obliviously, when an argument begins, you are not thinking about grace.
We will be quick to speak the truth to condemn but not to uplift.
In Order to react with grace we have to be in control of our
emotions and
feelings so we don't get angry.
Ecclesiastes 7:9
Do not be quickly
provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.
Psalms 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret — it
leads only to evil.
We cannot control how someone else react, but we can control
what we do.
We have to control
how we think in relationships. God give us this direction.
Philippians 4:8-9
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever
things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure,
whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be
any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
It is never good to argue when children are present. Find a
another time.
You will give your children the wrong impression of
marriage.
You may scare them for ever.
Give yourself time to cool off
SEX IN THE MARRIAGE
God ordained sex. God told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and
multiply.
Genesis 1:28
Early in the marriage sex is usually not a problem.
You have to work at making sure you never get to the
point where you make excuses not to have sex with your
spouse.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5
3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection owed her,
and likewise also the wife to her husband.
4 The wife doesn't have authority over her own body, but the
husband. Likewise also the husband doesn't have authority over his own body, but
the wife.
5 Don't deprive one another, unless it is by consent for a
season, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and may be together
again, that Satan doesn't tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Sex is for grownup?. Sex is for responsible grownups.
We should not be making birth control products available to
our sons and daughters.
Sex leads to babies.
We must have open and discussions about relationships with
our children.
We have to first be good role models for them to follow.
ROLE OF A FATHER
It is one thing to be a husband. It is another thing to be a
father
Not every husband wants to be a father.
In the marriage vows we say for better or worst. Half the
time it is
for better until I can find something better. We don't want
to deal with
the worst for long.
When you are dealing with a mate and children the worst will
always
show up.
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
One of the most important characteristics of a father is
unconditional love.
We must learn the difference between lust and love.
I am of the opinion that there maybe lust at first sight,
but not love at
first sight.
Lust is self driven. Love is driven by the best interest of
another person.
Proverbs 6:25
states, " Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her
captivate you with her eyes."
I would say that
attractions begins with lust, before it grows to love.
Jesus defined love this way
John 14:15
15 "If you love me, you will obey what I command.
"
CHILD TRAINING
Proverbs 22:6
6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is
old, he will not depart from it.
Psalms 78:5-7
He decreed statutes
for Jacob and established the law in Israel
6 so the next generation would know them, even the children
yet to be born, and they in turn would
tell their children.
7 Then they would put their trust in God and would not
forget his deeds but would keep his commands.
Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not
exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and
instruction of the
Lord.
Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not
embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
Be careful not to
belittle your children
Never call them names
other than their own.
DISCIPLINE
Proverbs 13:24
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is
careful to discipline him.
Proverbs 19:18
Discipline your son,
for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.
Never discipline your
children while you are upset or angry.
Psalms 32:8
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you
should go; I will counsel you and watch
over you. "
John 13:34-35
"A new command I
give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
NO FAVORITISM
Do not favor one child over another as Jacob did Joseph.
Genesis 37:3
3 Now Israel
NIV
Genesis 37:5
Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers,
they hated him all the more.
NIV
BEING A WIFE
WHAT KIND OF COMMUNICATOR ARE YOU
God as the center
Man and Wife
Parents
Friends
FAMILY FINANCES
RASING CHILDREN
BEING A DISCIPLE OF JESUS
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